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Todays Asshole of the day is:
Primetime
Television Sucks -
I'll be honest with you, I do not watch a lot of
Primetime television, however, tonight I find myself
watching the new season of Dancing With The Stars.
As it starts, first question that comes to mind are who
the fuck are these stars? Lil' Kim (who is not
a
star and she was never was a star) starts the show off, and
dedicates her dance to her girls back in prison. Way'd it go, as she scores a 7/10. Take that you
prison bitches. Next Belinda Carlile dances,
however, she's about 20 years too late (looks haggerred)
to be on television. It's about 13 minutes into the
show and I realize why I do not watch a lot of prime
time television. LT dances the Cha-Cha next, which
I can't watch. Come on, you're Lawrence Taylor,
act like it you stupid son of a bitch.
I think they are really stretching
the word 'stars' cause no one knows who these people
are. Why is the loser from the bachelor on there
anyways?
Steve Wozniak - co inventor of Apple, star? I
think not! That's it,
change the channel. Honestly, at this point
I would rather watch curling. Yes I really
would,
I love Jennifer Jones! The Big Bang Theory and
Gary Unmarried... now that's television. Monday
nights just got a lot better! I should have just
gone hunting with Dick Cheney instead of watching
television.
 Try and Outrun
5-O -
I've been watching a lot of Police chases lately on
you-tube. Just goes to show you that you have to
be some kind of jackass to try to outrun the police.
It also makes me ask the question, how come police cars
aren't
faster. Back to the story, our
first police chase begins in the cold country of Canada,
where every chase is quite the adventure.
Next we head to a guy who is an exceptional
driver,
too bad he stole a mustang to prove his skills.
Channel 4 does it again, as this guy is totally
out of control driving a BMW. This
next asshole, again driving a BMW should have
been shot on site when the chase finally ended!
How come it's almost always a
BMW evading police? Sometimes it's a
woman evading the police, and sometimes
she is also naked while doing so. This
dude's on a motorcycle outrunning the police,
however, in the end he get's
12 shots fired at him, out of which 5 make
direct contact! Sometimes at the end
of a chase, the police do not need to fire any
shots at the suspect, as once in a while
they will do it themselves (even with a
shotgun). Sometime the police
even have to stop motorcycles. No
police involved in this one,
just an amazing accident that keeps going, and
going and going... |
 How to help the
American Economy -
Greg pointed out to me that Dr. Marc Faber, the
investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin with the
following comments: "The federal government is
sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money
at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China . If we spend it on
gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it
will go to India . If we purchase fruits and vegetables
it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala . If we
purchase a good car, it will go to Germany . If we
purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan and none of
it will help the American economy. The only way to
keep that money here at home is to spend it on
prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products
still produced in the US. I've been doing my
part....." |
The 1/2 Million
Dollar Shot -
So, have you ever been wronged? Someone play
a prank on you and you want to get ever? Well,
you could do what this guy did. Now that's a
prank! Thanks Tim.
Can Roll, Can't
Walk -
Eric pointed out to me that the worlds fattest man can't
walk, however,
he will soon be able to roll. He should roll
his way to the closest weight watchers if you ask me.
Arranged
Marriage -
If you haven't noticed, I'm Indian. Well maybe,
the DNA test results are not in yet. Anyways, I
always get questions regarding our tradition of arranged
marriage (thank God my parents arranged me to a white
girl - which
would make me an Canadian Idiot), anyways that's another story. Where was I,
yes the tradition of arranged marriage,
this totally sums it up and should answer all your
questions.
Oprah has an opinion on everything
doesn't she!
Laughter is the
Best Medicine -
A man and his wife are having sex when
their 10 year old son walks in on them. The son screams,
oh my God! then runs out of the room. The man laughs and
says, give him a few minutes to calm down and then I'll
go and explain what was going on.
A few minutes later, he walks into his sons room
to find him having sex with his grandmother. The man
screams Oh my God! Yeah his son says. Its not so funny
when its YOUR mother, is it?
Best Gift Everrrr -
If you are wondering what I want for
my birthday, wonder no more.
I would love one of
these.
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Before we start, watch this because it's
the greatest commercial ever (yes it is
Craig)!...
iPhone is such a bastard.
Todays' Assholes of the day are:
Is missing your favorite fast-food lunch an emergency
worthy of calling 911? One Florida woman thought so.
Police in Fort Pierce say Latreasa Goodman called 911
last week because she could not get a refund
after being told that McDonald's was out of McNuggets.
Paul Schene is our second asshole of the day today, he's
the douche bag cop that kicked the shit out of a 15 year
old girl in Seattle. She kicked her shoe off at the
officer and called him a fat pig (which everyone does),
so he took it upon himself to Chris Brown her and then
knock her to the floor and then pull her up by her
hair.
Just watch the news report, its totally disturbing.
Paul said he was in fear for his life and her shoe
caused him bleeding in his leg. Bullshit you fuckin
asshole, I really hope you get what's coming to you once
Internal Affairs is done their investigation.
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I was sick, Whaaaaa -
This past week, I have been feeling like
total shit. It's flu season, and as we all know
the flu shot did shit this year. My stomach even
feels like crap, however, it was
probably just something I ate last night? On a
sad note, my network has been giving me nothing but
problems this past week. I have no idea why, however, I
suspect that
one of my servers on the network has some serious
issues. I have been way too busy to troubleshoot it,
so I tried giving Bill Gates a call at home (I call him
Money for short), however, he ignored my calls and all
of a sudden my windows stopped working (its
all about the Pentiums baby). In the end
I had to
call someone in to fix that shit. A few hours of
troubleshooting and I was back online. I knew
I should have gotten a Mac. Most of you already
know that I sold my motorcycle this past summer.
Steve is now selling his (same reason). Someone
please
get this girl a sandwich! Speaking about food,
I think we all know! I was in Memphis a few weeks
ago, and it's a beautiful place (sarcasm), and you meet
all
types of interesting people there. I'm glad that
Vader can still pick up chicks. Only if some of his
charm would ware off
on his storm troopers. |
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Rapid Fire -
Internet History -
All of the below links you should have already
seen once upon a time, however, oldies are
always goodies
Grape Stomp,
Charlie The Unicorn,
Mentos and Diet Coke,
Numa Numa,
Peanut Butter Jelly Time,
George Lucas In Love,
You're The Man Now Dog,
Yatta,
Star
Wars Kid,
Bubb Rubb,
The Flying Spaghetti Monster,
Dramatic Chipmunk,
Homestar Runner,
GI Joe Pork Chop, Fail
Blog,
Skateboarding Dog,
All Your Base Are Belong To Us,
Winnebago Man,
We Like The Moon.
Difference between Pirates and
Ninja's - That's the question that has
been around since the dawn of time. Ok so its
not, however, Phil asked such an absurd question
a few months ago, and he wanted some responses.
The best response won an iPod or something like
that. Charlie came though in a huge way.
Listen to the song he wrote. The man has
talent! He also said that if he hit a hundred
subscribers,
he would, well just watch.
| Check
out the banner picture at the top of
this page. That's my best Jesus
impersonation. So next post, I
will be running a contest to see who can
do the Jesus pose in the most insane
place. So think about it for a
week, and next week more details about
the contest will be available. |
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