ALL THis fuss over a fuckin layout? - Thursday november 8, 2007

As it turns out, some people out there (not mentioning any names asswipe), were very unhappy with the old layout of the site.  So to make them happy, here it is, a fresh new design, changed faster than 2 UPS trucks riding on the back of a FedEx truck.  If you have any comments or thoughts, keep them to yourself jackass.  I hope this makes you happy, however, I am not expecting any hugs in return for all the work I put into this.  Anyways, on with the show...  I am not a Toronto Maple Leafs fan, however, with that being said, I could be persuaded to change my mind by any one of these fine ladies: If you are one of those Gino's still living in the past, this just might interest you.  This week I took a flight, and at the airport they took away my USB key that was in my laptop bag.  I guess they probably thought that I was going to strangle the pilot with the neck sting and insert the thing into the plane, take it over and fly it to Pakistan?  What the fuck is wrong with these power abusing customs agents anyway?  Oh well, ever wonder what happens with the shit they confiscate off poor mother fuckers like myself?  Wonder no more, here's the answer.  Girlfriend v7.0 vs. Wife v1.0 Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.  In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.  I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 . Please help! Thanks, Troubled User….. REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 ! and Do Bills 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system! Best of luck, Tech Support Just to brighten your day today, here is Nikki,  Karlie, and Mackenzie.  Falling asleep reading this are you.. well then click here.  Words can't explain this, so I won't even try too.  Speaking of shit I can't explain, here is a list of women looking for guys to shit on them.  Here is the insert, "After some more awkward, semi-hard cock sucking, the white guy/girl reaches for the crack pipe and the black guy takes it away from him and says something. The white guy/girl stands up, pulls down his pants, and starts to pull off what I thought was underwear until my friend screams, "Is that a DIAPER???"   Here is the site the insert comes from.  Over 80 percent of Americans demand secured borders and illegal migration stopped. But what would happen if all 20 million or more vacated America? The answers may surprise you!  Here are some WTF pictures for your amusement:

NOVEMBER RAIN - Friday November 2, 2007

So another Halloween has come and gone.  Was your night as productive as this chicks.  I mean some of the costumes that came to my door were just ridiculous.  Even Britney got all dressed up with her rock hard nipples all pumped and ready for some play.  Ms. South Carolina went as a teen USA contestant... Honestly, I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some... people out there in our nation don't have maps, and uh, I believe that our education like such as South Africa and, uh, everywhere like... enough of that...  Even though she's stupid, she's gorgeous! So lay off will you, and if you do want to give her shit, take a number.  I am so in love with that chick, I can't even begin to describe to you the things I would do to get that chick into my bed.  You would think after giving a speech like that, she would jump off the nearest building?  Thank the lord for makeup, and cosmetic surgeons... hallelujah.  Jillian Grace first came to Howard Stern to see if she was hot enough for Playboy.. and she was, however, she fucked Polly Shore, and now Howard hates her.  It's amazing that Polly Shore still gets pussy like that.  Cameron Diaz burping on Leno.

On a more serious note.. Google has come up with it's own cell phone.  Also, did you hear about the woman who escaped from a prison by packing herself in a large suitcase?  What I want to know is where the fuck did the suitcase come from?  And who the fuck is Ron Jeremy think he is, showing me how to make eggs?  Stick to what you're good at asshole, and just show me how to fuck.  Speaking of fucking, listen to this chick moan your IP address.  Umm.. cheesy poufs.

Many of you are asking where the name Ajay comes from...  Well it's originally from India, home of Bollywood, where they make some of the funniest movies ever.  I was flying over to New York last week, and at the airport, I went into the washroom, and was totally amazed that you American's have automatic toilet seat cozies (for lack of a better word).  I mean, you just wave your hand over a simple box and the plastic seat cover automatically changes to a new clean  seat for you to rest your ass on.  However, please keep your blow off the toilet seat, or bad things can happen.  Anyways, like I was saying, New York, the city where you can drive, however, you won't get anywhere.  Still once you get into Manhattan, its surreal.  Well that's my speal for a Friday.. Have a good weekend.

 

IT'S HALOWEEN, big deal? - WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 31, 2007

So what do you want to be for Halloween?  You could do what this guy did....  or better yet,... here's some more ideas on how to piss off the world.  I wish I was talented enough to do this shit with my pen...  However, I have the lowest attention span on the planet, I can't even do a simple task like keep my eye on the snake.  This asshole was boasting he had 3 PS3's (when they first came out last Christmas.. what a fuckin dick)... well, someone has done him better, as this guy has 4 PS3's.  Who is Mukesh Ambani you ask?  Well he is now the worlds richest man!  Dam this chick is hot.  Singapore airlines has equipped its new A380 jets with double beds, however, sex not ALLOWED!  Now I think we have all heard of craigslist, well this moron posted an ad to give away her 3 year old daughter.  Remember, if you are in a public restroom, do not stamp your feet twice.  Hot ass bitch.  If you really have to take a shit, and you're stuck in traffic, you really need to get one of these.  If you let your partner tie you up during sex, anything can happen... This cheerleader gets stampeded by a football team.  That's it for today, if you have some links, pictures or just want to give me shit.. drop me a line.   A GOOD terrorist is a dead terrorist! - TUESDAY OCTOBER 23, 2007   The Dead Terrorist... A terrifying terrorist... Deputy Mayor dies in a monkey attack... Everytime I call a CALL CENTRE, I always get some moron on the phone.. ever wonder why? 16-year-old Amber and 17-year-old Jeremy, her boyfriend prosecuted for racy photos (they took naked pictures of each other and mailed them to one another.. and that is illegal!) How offensive do you find this Dolce & Gabbana ad? Want to know how to rip your own head off?  Well look no further, here's how! Pan Xiting, 106 years-old, and Chen Adi, 81 years-old, just recently were married.   ALL THAT CRYING OVER A FUCKIN DOG? - SUNDAY OCTOBER 21, 2007   Van Halen attempts a comeback?  Thinking about shop-lifting, think again.  Ellen has a breakdown on national television!  School allowed to hand out birth control pills to girls as young as 11 (or as old as 11, depends on how you look at it)?  You're Stoned, its 3AM, where do you go?  Burglar forced to clean up at gunpoint.  Stupid Cops... that's all I have to say.  Try and turn asshole?  These guys make art of out dog shit!  Microsoft wants to own the world.  Quagmire...  Giggity giggity giggity